Crazy Day

What a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So this morning I get to work and I have only one pt and an empty bed. My pt was the same lady from yesterday.. she had newly diagnosed lung cancer (ca) and had her husband at her bedside at all times. They've been married for 51 years and as he said... "she's everything to me" I've been taking care of this pt since last week and she hasn't been getting any better... today was her day to have surgery to try and remove the cancer and stop the bleeding into her lung.

At about 10 am the doctor comes in the room and discusses different possibilities for surgery and different things he would be able to do... these poor people looked soooooo stressed out and scared. He just kept holding her hands and telling the doctor that he trusted whatever choice he made in the OR room... I knew things were not looking good for my pt at all and it was just so sad to watch them take in all this information. I left the room biting my bottom lip so that I wouldn't cry... all I could think of was Harold and me and my mom and dad... and abuelo and abuela.... it was heart breaking....

In the middle of me dealing with this I find out I'm getting a pt in my empty room from the OR... he was 39 and was getting a pacer put in for his sick heart. On the OR table he coded at 930am and was still in bad shape... its 1130am at this point. At 1145 the role the pt into the room... they're doing compressions, pushing meds.... the works... it was banannas! The guys pacer would go off on its own and give the people touching him mini shocks... i got to say "your clear, i'm clear, we're all clear... SHOCK!" the pt jumps with the bolt of electricity.. its CRAZY!!

The doctor has a tube down his mouth so we can see the heart beat in an ultrasound... the guys heart would pump on its own then flat line... the wiggle like jelly.... i've never seen anything like that before! At one point they let the wife in the room to see her husband... when she found out I was his nurse she looked me in the eyes and said thank you... it was so sad.. she looked so desprate to fix everything... this job is so hard!

at 1:10pm the doctors accepted there was nothing else that could be done and ended the code. WOW... that was a really long time - and that wasn't even the hard part! The family.... now that was hard.... they just cried and cried and screamed... there is nothing I could do or say. It was horrible... it took the wife almost 2 hours to even come into the room to see him once he had passed... he had a 4 year old son =/... it kills me.... the worst thing was the wife hugging me and thanking me for all we did. I couldn't hold it... my eyes filled up... i was able to get to the med room before I really broke down... it was so hard.

That's not the end of my day!!! I got my little lady back from OR... she looked pretty good. They were able to extubate her and she was resting in bed with some pain. I was giving her pain medication VERY little at a time. The husband was in the room with a smile and it was great to watch. I gave her a last dose of pain medication before I went to wrap my other guy for the morgue...

In the middle of taking him down with another nurse I realize I forgot his papers and run back upstairs... when I pass my pts room I see her BP is 70/30... it was much higher before.. I run in the room to make sure she' ok and she does not respond to me. I check for a pulse and feel one and then shake her like a crazy person... nothing.... I run out and grab another nurse... before I know it everyone is in the room and they call a code blue... she has no pulse.

I was in a fog at this point. I was trying to talk to the ER doc and my words wouldn't come out. The husband was standing right outside the door just watching as the start compressions on his wife's chest... what happened????? They ended up giving her some medication and her heart beat and blood pressure came back.... they had to intubate her but for the most part she was ok.

Thank god I'm off tomorrow.... my body is so tense and my head feels like it might pop at any second. I got home to Harold and Roxie sitting outside waiting for me. I fell into Harold's arms and broke down. I didn't need to be strong for anyone anymore.

There is no way to explain to someone what its like to be a nurse. There are so many different aspects to nursing. You have to give so much of yourself... it can be frustrating and rewarding and everything in between. Its CRAZY! The real crazy part is that we go back and do it again... day after day..... crazy.....

xoxo